Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
