It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
