If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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