im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
