Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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