My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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