How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
