The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
