just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
