i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
