i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize