I cannot find my penis.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Text me some of your sweat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
