Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
