k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
