I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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