This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
this is an emotional support booty call
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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