Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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