I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's blow job season.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
