she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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