I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
