what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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