so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
