The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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