Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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