i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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