my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
