In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
