Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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