i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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