new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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