I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize