if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
