The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We need to get me chipped asap
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
