Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
