You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
