I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
