i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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