No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
