Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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