3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
