just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
