I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
