I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
as a side note pls kill me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
