I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
