I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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