Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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