i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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