Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize