You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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