He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
