I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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