I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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