Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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