You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize