i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
