So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
