ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
