I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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