I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
