The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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