Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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