Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
