I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
