I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
