you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
is it fun? or sober?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
