I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Two words: blizzard sex
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
