next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drake has all the answers
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
