I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm at about main and main street
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
