you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
