He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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