i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
should my penis look like a turkey
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
