it's not cheating when I paid for it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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