Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's Friday. Sex?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
